Antwan Hendricks' Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Antwan Hendricks

[ userinfo | insanejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | insanejournal calendar ]

[23 Mar 2009|08:22pm]
Sometimes I feel like He don't hear me
Sometimes I wonder, do He love me?
Life is so hard, for me
This ain't the way
It's supposed to be
I pray every night
Asking for forgiveness
Sometimes I ask myself, is it worth it?
Life is so painful
Yet I'm so thankful
Life won't be easy
And I know that
My past is over
Wish I could go back
Maybe I'll change it
Rearrange it
Sometimes in life we all feel like we fallin'
Those who suffer in life will be rewarded
Lord I hear hear you
But it's so hard being strong
I keep reminisicing of my loved ones that are gone
He's says son you should know you're born to die
I said I do it's just hard saying bye
That's why
I feel like
You don't hear me
Sometimes I wonder,
Do you love me?
Life is so hard for me
This ain't the way it's supposed to be.



post comment

Made in heaven, raised in hell. [09 Mar 2009|07:23pm]
Antwan Hendricks was built to play football. To look at him is to know. Wide shoulders, strong legs, quick feet. Even the cocky dimpled smile his mother used to warn him would get him in trouble. His family was from the south, Florida and New Orleans, but he spent a good portion of his childhood in New York City where his father, Antwan Hendricks Sr., was a running back for the Jets during the 1980's.

The youngest of three boys, Antwan grew up in a sports crazed household where routinely suffered through the unbearable experience of defeat. With his father mostly absent, both traveling and enjoying the fruits of a pro football career, he and his brothers forged a deep and at times unforgiving bond. At the time his oldest brother reached high school, his mother and brothers moved down to Florida, where according to his father, "football players are made."

By the time Antwan reached high school, all of those beatings and losses he had endured over the years at the hands of his big brothers had started to pay dividends. His older brother Dominique was an All-ACC strong safety at his father's alma mater, Florida State, and Antwan spent his summers working on his footspeed and leg strength through grueling sled drills in the oppressive Florida heat. He entered high school at his full height of 6'0" and was a sturdy 210 pounds, and there was something to the fact he was the youngest of two now-legendary brothers at Coral Gables High School that drove him to meet already celestial expectations.

His oldest brother Anthony was most famous for his mean streak, a vicious middle linebacker and state-champion wrestler who from a young age was more than slightly recruited by a local gang to provide always needed muscle. Even as he fell off path, he made sure Dom and 'Twan never had the option.

By his senior year, he was one of the most heavily recruited and highly regarded running backs in the nation. He set a Dade County record for rushing yardage in a season with 2,953 yards and 34 touchdowns. He also set the single game rushing record with 377 yards and six TDs. He was listed as the best tailback on the The Florida Times-Union Super 75 list and earned "Super Prep All-American." That newspaper also rated him the seventh best prospect overall and the top-rated running back in Florida. In baseball, Antwan was an All-Conference center fielder and drew comparisons to Bo Jackson by a Marlins scout. In his first and only track season, Barber qualified for the 2000 Florida State Class A Championships in the 100 meters, with a time of 10.7 seconds.

Despite heavy recruitment from the major schools and gaurentees for an immediate starting role, it was assumed he would follow in his father and brother's footsteps to Florida State. In a decision that shocked the college football world, Antwan decided to attend FSU's major rival, The University of Miami. His father was shocked most of all, and felt so betrayed that he disowned Antwan for being disloyal.

Even with his father's reaction and a crowded returning backfield, Antwan's confidence did not waver. He liked Coach Coker and felt Miami had the best chance to win the National Championship. He started out as a "cocky kid with the New York accent and southern swagger," but his production endeared him to the rowdy Miami family.

He was named the Big East Freshmen of the Year, and his prediction was correct -- his first year, they won the National Championship on possibly the greatest collection of players in college football history -- splitting time with future first-rounders Clinton Portis and Willis McGahee and returning kicks. The team was an future NFL Pro Bowl squad waiting to happen -- Najeh Davenport at fullback, Andre Johnson at receiver, Jeremy Shockey at tight end; Bryant McKinnie and Vernon Carey at offensive tackles. hen they had D.J. Williams and Jonathon Vilma at linebackers, Vince Wilfork, Jerome McDougle, and William Joseph on the defensive line, Phillip Bucchanon, Mike Rumph, and Antrel Rolle at corner.

Among the other future first round picks on the team were two of his best friends, Kellen Winslow and the late Sean Taylor -- as well as one of his major mentors/influences, Ed Reed. Injuries plagued his promising college career yet he still managed to finish his career with his name in Miami's record books, finishing in the top 10 in rushing yards and touchdowns.

With the classic hypercompetitive Hurricane spirit, he recovered from those injuries and was determined to make his career a success. When he declared for the draft, former teammate Ed Reed reached out to him and he prepared for training camp with him and former U legend, Ray Lewis. Injury had tempered his ego, and now that he was removed from the college bubble and saw the work ethic of tenured NFL vets who he loved and respected up close, he slowly began a chance to a "sober Christian brother." This change was expediated after a year under Bill Parcells, and his friendship with safety Roy Williams. Through Roy's girlfriend, Kelly Rowland, he met his current girlfriend, a choreographer and dancer named Damaris Howard.

He was living a healthy, happy life that seemed destined for Super Bowl glory and a lasting marriage. Then, in August of 2007, tragedy struck when his brother Tone's son, Jordan, died of lukemia. Antwan dedicated the upcoming season to his memory and was named to his first Pro Bowl in 2008, playing with a visible anger that led to leading the league in broken tackles. Just as he seemed to be coping with that loss, his best friend and former college teammate, Redskins safety Sean Taylor, was murdered in November of the same year. His physical health began to regress; he couldn't sleep through the night and he wasn't showing his body the same careful attention he had earlier in his career. On the field, he was cloudy, and in professional football an unfocused mind is an injury waiting to happen.

When nagging toe and rib injuries shortened his breakout season, Antwan no longer had even football to occupy his mournful mind. He would lose himself in the music of Miles Davis, of Duke Ellington, and other jazz greats, typically with the help of oxycontin and cognac. He started to build up a dependence on painkillers and sleeping pills, self-medicating with Valium, Xanax, Zoloft. It became a slippery slope that led to other drugs, drugs even in his wild college days he had refused -- weed, coke. After repeated attempts to make him clean up his act, Dame came home to a powdery picture frame and a half-empty bottle, packed her things and left.

With Wade Phillips as coach, 'Twan had lapsed in his professionalism without much resistence. When he showed up for training camp still not fully healthy, however, his subsequent physical raised enough red flags that he was discreetly admitted into a treatment center. There, he was befriended by former rap star turned philanthorpist JaRon Crooks, who having lost his brother at a young age, helped him find peace with the losses he had endured. 'Twan recovered and before long, Dame had moved back in with him and he was once again on the field for the Cowboys' tumultuous 2008 season. Now, as a free agent unimpressed by the head coach and direction of the franchise, Antwan Hendricks is looking for a new city to call home.
post comment

[14 Jan 2008|02:45am]
I don't know what to say. 30 carries, 143 yards, and a touchdown. It wasn't enough. Like T.O. said, "We lost as a team."
post comment

[28 Dec 2007|03:26am]
Home field advantage is secure until the Super Bowl. I really am cheering for them to be 18-0 when we get to play them again. I am imagining redemption for Tony, T.O. being T.O. on the sports's biggest stage....and me. 4 yards and a cloud of dust until that one play when the linebacker overpursues and I sledgehammer through a corner, and then I' m out.

So far, 344 attempts for 1,730 yards. It looks like I'm going to fall short of 2,000, but still a Pro Bowl year, and the best year of my career by far.

I am looking forward to the New Year. I hope a fresh look on life comes with it because 2007 was just too tough to go through again.
post comment

[06 Dec 2007|12:30am]
I've already lost a nephew and a good friend this year. What if I lose her, too? What do you do when you don't feel like going to work anymore? I think I'm going to take a drive and take a ride. Listen to either "Kind of Blue" or Ellington and his orchestra.
post comment

[28 Nov 2007|02:21am]
Rest in peace, Sean Taylor. Make sure it's poppin' when I get up there.
post comment

[07 Nov 2007|11:55pm]
Your boy is back! I've just been so busy lately, inbetween Miami and Dallas. I love coming home, though, because Miami is my home and I always enjoy being able to see family and friends, and especially Dame. Speaking of her, she has been tripping lately, like I'm going to really ask a "groupie" to move into my house and drive my car. And bear my children. I don't know if I'm ready to get married yet but we've been together for a minute and I've held her down so I hope she knows she doesn't have anything to worry about.

As for football, we're going into Week 10 and a big matchup with the Giants. Ya'll saw what happened last time we played them, and plan on seeing it again. Fantasy owners, start me, trade for me, whatever, I'm telling you I'm getting into the endzone, probably twice. I feel bad for Coach Phillips some times when we get in the red zone -- 'cuz he knows I want the rock, and everybody knows T.O. wants it, too.

I saw the young man Adrian Peterson getting it in last week -- 296 and three TDs? People are starting to call him the best back in the league, and it's hard to disagree after that performance. There's room for both of us in Honalulu, so it's all love, and I'm off the 2,000 yard pace but I should lead the league in rushing if things keep going like they have been.
post comment

[15 Oct 2007|07:42pm]
What can I say? We still have some work to do, obviously. That's a good team over there, but we'll be alright. Especially 'cuz we will see them again at the end of the year. Nobody in the NFC messing with us, regardless.

Life has been real busy lately. During the season it's hard not to be busy, but with Dame moving in things are even crazier. It's been a blessing though, having her around more often. It was too crazy trying to maintain our relationship long-distance. Now she's usually there waiting when I get home, which is nice. Gotta build that family atmosphere.

I saw a lot of guys get hurt over the past couple of weeks and want to shout them out, 'cuz that's the toughest thing in the world to happen to an athlete. I'll be praying for you.
post comment

[27 Sep 2007|09:35pm]
It's been a while since I updated, I apologize to my friends who rely on me to see how we did this week. And for those of you expecting bad news, breathe easy -- the Boys are back in town like that Crooks and Premo joint. 3-0, after an ass-whooping on the former, I repeat, former NFC Champs. I have to admit that Coach is irking me with my touches, sometimes, though. I went for 126 on 22 carries, and I could have gone for much more if he would just let me get in a rhythm sometimes. 146 yards per game, so far, so I'm still on pace to get 2,000.

What else is good? It's tough being in season, and Dame working --- I don't know, I guess I don't get why she's not around sometimes when I get back from practice. There aren't kids in Dallas who could use a dance teacher with a mean body? I'm looking out for the community!
post comment

[16 Sep 2007|08:58pm]
Only thing better than coming home to play, is coming home and winning. 37-20, and I had one of the best games of my career -- 182 yards on 26 carries and two touchdowns. We just kept pounding the rock and it paid off. It was some bullshit T.O. got a penalty for that celebration, too. Anyway, it's on tonight at B.E.D., so if you've talked to me or Ray Ray, just tell 'em you there for 'Twan's party and they'll show you in.
post comment

[11 Sep 2007|02:42pm]
That's how you start a season: with a W. We definitely know we can put up points, so a 45-35 victory might start a high-scoring trend. I rushed for 131 yards on 27 carries and a score, so you already know I'm feeling really good.

I'm coming home next week to play the Dolphins, should be fun. I know I'm going to have to start getting extra tickets ready for everybody, so if you need some, get at me early!
post comment

How long will they mourn my brother? [26 Aug 2007|05:00pm]
They should've shot me when I was born / Now I'm trapped in the mothafuckin' storm.

How long will they mourn me?
post comment

[23 Aug 2007|05:05pm]
I'm home in Miami for a couple of days for some serious matters that happened in my close circle. A family member is no longer with us and he is, at this present time and for the forseeable future, being mourned. I'm dedicating this upcoming season to my brother Tone's son Jordan, rest in peace.
post comment

[13 Aug 2007|05:53pm]
They say Americans are crazy about football. They also love a winner, which is why I've been the last one to leave the weight room almost every time we practice since training camp began. It's not 'cuz I'm proud, I want you to know that -- it's because I'm ashamed. Ashamed that I haven't won the championship for this storied franchise. I've been going to see Jerry and letting him know that I won't let him down, I'm going to follow in the footsteps of Emmitt and run right into the Hall of Fame, complete with the fist full of rings. You can't knock my production, now that we have a real quarterback and T.O.? Losing is not an option.

I'm in full football mode but I thank God I've got a girl at home keeping my head on my shoulders and keeping me fed. Between the yoga and the food she makes, she probably has as much to do with my physical fitness as the Cowboys training staff. I did carry the ball over 250 times each of my first four years in the League and haven't missed a game, so I guess I'm pretty durable anyway.

Anyway, I'm about to hop in my hyperbaric chamber and take a nap, holla at me for an autograph!
post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]